in my dreams

The other night I had a really sad dream.  It is pretty obvious that I'd love to have a pool someday.  I love pools, and although they are expensive I still think they are totally worth it.

In my dream I had an opportunity to buy a house from a friend of my Grandma's.  The whole reason I wanted to buy it was because it had a pool.  The thing is it wasn't like an actual pool.  It was some weird wading pool.  It was small and shallow, and could barely be considered a pool.  Still, I was so desperate to have anything that resembled a pool I was willing to buy this stupid house just to get it.  I woke up thinking, "How sad was that?"  Yes, I want a pool, but not something that only comes up to my ankles?!!  Crazy.

Anyway, I went looking for a picture that might somehow match what was in my dream.   I couldn't find anything, cause like who would waste their time?   I did find this picture though.

Moose Heaven

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Best Actress

It occurred to me last night looking at the BAFTA pictures that there is a pretty good chance that Jennifer Lawrence is going to win Best Actress.  First, I like Jennifer, I like her a lot.  Second, I haven't seen Silver Linings Playbook, so I don't know anything about this particular performance.

With that said, I don't know that her winning is a good thing.  I heard, not sure if it is true, that Alan Arkin said that he was hoping that Abigail Breslin wouldn't win because he didn't feel it would be good for her.  I am totally paraphrasing, cause I can't remember what he actually said, if he said it at all.  Still, my feeling is that Jennifer is 22 years-old.  She has her whole career in front of her.  I am not sure that winning an Academy Award would be that good for her or her career.

I mean where does she go from here? For some winning is honoring an entire career.  That's not her.  For others it is for an individual performance, one that they may or may not have again.  Is that this movie for her?  Don't know, haven't seen the movie.  Maybe it is, and I don't really have a point after all.  It doesn't seem like it though.  Or is this one of those years where there really isn't a standout performance, and there's no one with the pedigree to give the award to?  So, they give it to a 22 year-old actress who is pretty good.  Maybe?  Dunno.

Besides that, I was looking at her photo gallery on IMDb.  It struck me that she looked much happier, and was smiling in the pictures from the events promoting Hunger Games and Silver Linings Playbook.  It now seems that with every award ceremony she attends she appears more and more reserved and dower.  Could it be that all this is wearing on her?  I mean how many bloody award ceremonies can a person go to in two months time?  I am beginning to feel sorry for Jennifer.  Like maybe this is a frenzy Harvey has stirred up for her, er him, and she's just caught in the middle of it.

Anyway, it is all conjecture, something that just occurred to me while clicking through random photos.  I am sure it will all be good, whatever happens.  Anne on the other hand is taking it all in stride.  She's got the glow of a woman who is having an incredible year. You you know that makes me think of Jennifer Connelly, and how sad she was when she won.  I think she had just broken up with her boyfriend.  She wore that horrible dress that made her look so washed out.  Then her knight showed up, and she's been radiant ever since.  Who knows.  Its just musings about people I don't know, sparked by seconds of their lives captured on film.

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last night

Oh my goodness, I have been working so much, which is a good thing.  I had every intention of working on my blog, but I just couldn't, you know, keep my eyes open.  Oh well.

Saw this gorgeous moon photo today, and already started thinking about sleepy time tonight.  Just a few more hours . . .

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Human Trafficking Awareness Month

January is/was Human Trafficking Awareness Month.  This is something I am very passionate about.  There are two organizations that I have found so far that I am supporting.

Polaris Project

I've donated money to Polaris. This is a difficult battle, and they are seriously in the fight.

About Polaris Project

Polaris Project is one of the leading organizations in the global fight against human trafficking and modern-day slavery.  Named after the North Star "Polaris" that guided slaves to freedom along the Underground Railroad, Polaris Project is transforming the way that individuals and communities respond to human trafficking, in the U.S. and globally.

By successfully pushing for stronger federal and state laws, operating the National Human Trafficking Resource Center hotline (1-888-373-7888), conducting trainings, and providing vital services to victims of trafficking, Polaris Project creates long-term solutions that move our society closer to a world without slavery.

 

International Princess Project

I've donated money to this project, and purchased their really cute punjammies.  Like Heifer International, this project is all about empowerment.  Very cool.

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Lovefest

Anne & Hugh are so damn cute together.  They need to do a rom-com in the worst way.  I had read a few years ago that Hugh was going to do a movie called Rebound Guy or something like that.  That sounds hokey, so it probably wasn't what it was called.  Anyway, I have this thing where I'll hear a blurb about a story, and I'll just riff off it.  I had this Rebound movie all worked out in my head, and now that I think about it Anne would be perfect for the female lead.  I don't think the movie Hugh was attached to will come to be, or if it does it will be with someone else.  I really like the one in my head, and even more with Anne & Hugh .

How cute are they?

via imdb

via imdb

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Mrs. George Lucas

I saw a couple of weeks ago that George Lucas was getting married.  His bride to be is Ms. Mellody Hobson.  She is SO pretty!!

via imdb

Oddly though, shortly after I saw their picture, I saw the below picture. I instantly thought of George!!  Is that terrible?!!  

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best picture

I just have to say that I am not impressed with the selection of films up for Best Picture this year.  Argo is the only one out of all of them that I am really excited about.  More than that, the one that I even want to see. (No I haven't actually seen any of the films nominated.)  I think I will see Life of Pi, Lincoln and Django Unchained at some point.  I just don't have a burning desire to see any of them, or any of the other nominated films. It makes me wonder why they need to have more than five nominees?  I don't know.  Maybe it is just me.

I was really glad to see that Argo one the Globes and the Critic's Choice this weekend.  I'd like to see it win the Oscar, but I would have liked to have had better movies this year more.

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anxiety

I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for over 20 years.  It kind of hit me out of nowhere when I was 19 (Did I just say how old I am?  Eeek!!).  I seriously lost my mind.  It was one of the scariest things that happened to me in my life.  Over the years I have learned to control it through medication and little tricks like redirection and just talking to people to distract myself.

The thing that I've become aware of is that there are so many different degrees of anxiety.  It can be the smallest negative whisper in the back of your mind to a full blown heart racing, hyperventilating, pacing up and down the room attack.  The first can easily and rather rapidly morph into the latter.

So, you take the chemical imbalance that is anxiety, and throw in the massive insecurity of being a writer (or any other type of artist), and you are really stuck with all kinds of negative and down right scary thoughts racing in and out of your mind all the time.  Hmmm, I said "stuck", am I truly "stuck" with them?

My therapist had always talked about re-recording my inner voice, and turning it into a positive one.  Now I am working with a writing group through Jenna Avery that focuses on accountability, and we are also focusing on turning those negative statements into positive ones.  Then the other day tinybuddha tweeted an article by Lucy Pearce about overcoming anxiety, again pulling everything down to being present in the moment.

I think it is so easy to get caught up in all the negative news and information coming at you, that you can miss the positive ones that are mixed in there too.  Controlling your mind is not any easy thing to do, but it is a possible one.  Awareness is the first step, and then taking control from there.  I am trying to find a way to turn my propensity for anxiety into self discipline.  I'm not asking for much. LOL

Yet another message about anxiety came under my nose when Maria posted an excerpt from a letter F. Scott Fitzgerald sent is daughter while she was away at camp.

Things to worry about:

Worry about courage
Worry about Cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship
Worry about. . .

Things not to worry about:

Don't worry about popular opinion
Don't worry about dolls
Don't worry about the past
Don't worry about the future
Don't worry about growing up
Don't worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don't worry about triumph
Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don't worry about mosquitoes
Don't worry about flies
Don't worry about insects in general
Don't worry about parents
Don't worry about boys
Don't worry about disappointments
Don't worry about pleasures
Don't worry about satisfactions

Things to think about: 

What am I really aiming at?
How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to:

(a) Scholarship
(b) Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?
(c) Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

F. Scott, daughter Scottie & Zelda

via lettersofnote

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gift exchange

Last night I got together with my friend Vanessa.  We had a fabulous dinner at the place across the street from my house.  It included my favourite truffle fries, pork sliders, artichoke pesto pizza (she had a margarita pizza), apple crisp desert and the yummiest margarita (she had a Chardonnay).  It was all SO good.

We did really good with our gifts this year.  She bought me a beautiful wine bottle opener. Didn't know one could be so beautiful.  I got her a delicious candle from Anthropologie.

I cannot begin to tell you how yummy this candle is.  They had one lit in the store, and I couldn't separate myself from the table it was sitting on.  I think I am going to have to get one for myself.

via anthropologie

Vanessa had come over to my house a while back, and I had made a point to have the wine she likes.  Alas, I did not have a wine bottle opener. Bad host!!  I eventually found the sad blue plastic contraption I had to open wine bottle with, but it is going back into the black hole of a drawer it had disappeared into to.  This is a beautiful opener. I am seriously going to a) drink more wine just to use it b) find a place to display it on the counter.  It is so shiny.  I love it!!

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Range Rover P5

Watching an old Top Gear, and they did a spot on this classic beauty.

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indoor camping

Seriously, this is a close as I would get.

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pardon my rant

Apparently this year People magazine has decided that Bradley Cooper is the Sexiest Man Alive.  I'm sorry, did I hear that right?  In what universe is Bradley Cooper Sexiest Man Alive material?  Pardon me if anyone is on that train, but I just don't see it.  I have never been a fan of his.  In fact, one of my favorite episodes of Alias was the one where I thought they killed him.  Should have known better. 

So, I just came across Zap2It's recap of all the Sexiest Men Alive.  Upon review, I am even more befuddled at the choice.  It also turns out that I had blocked out the year that Nick Nolte was chosen.  I'm sorry, but now all I see is his mug shot when I think of him.

There are guys on the list that I don't like (Tom Cruise) or don't particularly care for (Matt Damon, that's you), but I do see why people might think they are sexy.  Bradley Cooper, nope don't see it. I am all over Ryan Reynolds, George Clooney and Hugh Jackman though.  Sigh!!

Who should they have picked then, you ask?

via camera obscura

After all he's been through, I am so happy that Robert Downey Jr was able to come out the other side and find even greater success.  He has always been an amazing actor, and damn if he isn't in the George Clooney getting sexier with age group.

Nope Bradley, I am sorry to say you are nowhere near the ranks of Sexiest Man Alive.  For the most part the men on the list have more going on than hotness.  Denzel is the perfect example, he is so much more than sexy.  Sexiest Man Alive is a package not just a pretty face or hot body, in my opinion anyway.

Aaaaah, I feel better now. Just had to get that off my chest.  =)

Here's a link to the full zap2it list

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Happy New Year

Well here we are, it is 2012.  I haven't posted in a while.  Work has been crazy, and I have made a big decision to step down from my position.  I have been working as a Medical Coding Trainer.  The job is satisfying on a lot of levels, but there is just more work than one person can do. I have little to no free time, and I just don't want to work my life away.  That was the reason why I started this blog, so I could find some balance.  I've been happy that I have done some posting, but it hasn't been what I envisioned.

I really want to enrich my life, and that just isn't happening when all I do is work 24/7.  That will be coming to an end. I have one more month, and then I will be going back to coding. This means that I will be working from home again.  YAY!! I am so very excited to be home again.  I worked from home for a year, but gave it up to train.

There are some specific things I plan to do with all this extra free time coming my way.  Working on this blog is one of them.  I also want to read some of the books sitting on my nightstand and work on my photography.  The big thing though is that I want to write.  I've struggled with writer's block all my life.  Now, not a lack of ideas writer's block, but a block from actually putting words to page.  I have a lot of story ideas in my head.  They just won't come out.  Time to purge those buggers.  :oP

Anyway, we'll see how it goes.  I just have to get through January.  Needless to say I am very excited for 2012.  I hope the world doesn't come to an end, but if it does I'd like to actually do something with these remaining days.  LOL

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Glimpse of Style

This morning's photos have been brought to you by Glimpse of Style.

Definitely loving this blog!!

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New Blog Love

When going down memory lane with White & Wander, I decided to click on some of her blog links. I found Brown Button.  Love this blog, and am adding it to my list.  Such fun!!

I love this so much, I had to email it to my non-blog reading friends.

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Say what??

Has it seriously been a month since I last posted something?  That is crazy.  My life seriously goes by WAY too fast.  It is very upsetting to me.  =(  I actually have three whole days off in a row, and I have some relaxing to do, along with some catching up.  I dare say!! 

I don't think I'm succeeding with this balancing business.  Um, no.

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creating my balance

Hello!!  I've be following other people's blogs off and on over the years, and have always been tempted to join in the fun myself.  The thing is I am sorta a workaholic, and I have a hard time balancing things in my life.  I recently started a Twitter account, as I thought it would be an easy way to dip my toe in the pool.  The thing is I am a bit chatty, and I find Twitter to be, um, limiting. 

My idea is to create a catalog or diary of the way art in all its forms touches my life.  Basically taking the time to stop and smell the proverbial roses.  I want to do this by finding and identifying art and beauty in my day to day, and capture it so I remember that it was there.

Time moves so quickly for me, and I find that things begin to blur.  This will be an exercise in documenting my life.  I don't know how it will go, but I thought I would give it a shot.  :o)

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